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chlorinekillsme
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Name: Adrian
Country: Canada
Metro: Guelph
Birthday: 7/29/1982
Gender: Male
Interests: What do I love? My man JC. The Del Monte clan. Some gold braclets are pretty sweet I guess. Jogging. Or "yogging." Apparently you just run. Braveheart. Gladiator. Hoping that God will show up. And of course, Napoleon Dynamite.
Expertise: Badly plagarizing movie lines and Erwin Mcmanus
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
9/23/2005
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| I'm tired...
Physically, I lack energy to do all the stuff I want to do. That's annoying. But that's reality. Maybe I'm slowing down a bit. I guess I'll never be able to dunk. I'll have to be content to shoot the J.
But I'm more tired spiritually.
That's the worst, really. Because I look at the issues or battles or demons or whatever you want to call the crap that I'm trying to work through and surprise, surprise, it's the same stuff I was working through years ago. I'm almost 25 years old and progress, or "maturity," is very slow in coming.
I don't want this to be the story of my life, though. Like Wendy said to Peter, "we all have to grow up someday."
Maybe my someday is this day. Like, if I want to change, why don't I just change?
C.S. Lewis would probably just call me lazy. He said once that the scandal of Christianity is the complacency of Christians. That's so true. I look around, and it's easy to see why Christianity is not growing.
Because Christians don't do much different than anyone else. I want to be liked so badly that I just blend it. I want to be relevant so I stop making hard choices. I want to do the right thing, but it just seems too hard. And so I compromise. And compromise. And I've compromised so much, I'm having to fight just to convince myself it's worth fighting for again.
Like I was in this situation the other day. It should have been a no-brainer to just walk away. "Do the right thing." But I let myself ponder and ponder and ponder. I couldn't believe how far- even if it was just in my mind- I let it go. It really needs to stop.
The Way is Right. That doesn't mean it's easy. I bought into all this because I believed it was right. I need to stop the lazy bit, and the complacency stuff. And do what I know is right. Even it's hard. Or tiring. Or exhausting.
Because it IS right. Even when I'm really, really tired.
Maybe one day I won't be as tired anymore. | | |
| There's this song that I know. My brother burned it for me and I've probably listened to it every single day for the past 16 months. It's called "Transatlanticism" by Death Cab for Cutie.
It's a song about distance across an ocean, and love, and how do you possibly reconcile those two? There's this one line that is especially penetrating. "I need you so much closer." They just keep singing it. I need you so much closer...
I can really relate to needing to be closer. Closer to God, mostly. It's like I know that at one point I was in love with Him, but somewhere along the way distance got in the way. I got busy and that created distance. I got lazy, so there was some more distance. I got arrogant and the distance kept coming.
And somewhere along the road I decided that the distance was just too much. So I sort of stopped trying to row my way across. I guess I was waiting for God to come for me, but not doing much about it myself. Call it what you will, but the waves capsized my boat. Life got rocky...but I was much too busy and lazy and arrogant to really care.
Like Tony Almaida said once, "Some people are more comfortable in hell." And I think that was/is true abut me. Complacency and justifications are a lot easier than doing stuff that is just really damn hard to do. Like trying to get closer to God.
And when you live like this long enough, those oars eventually get heavier and heavier to lift. And so when I tried to pray for God to be so much closer, he could only do so much. Like, crossing a river is one thing; an ocean takes a lot more time.
So I've started praying again, hopefully this time, like the Bible says, "without ceasing." The oars are still heavy as hell. The water is still black as night. The water still crashes down all around me. But I've got to believe that if I consistently and intentionally draw closer to God, He'll have no choice but to intentionally draw closer to me.
I need you so much closer... | | |
| I knew there was something on my mind.
I'm debating my unnamed friend about this.
Does a road trip consist of simply driving someplace? Like, if someone needed to go to, say, Boston, would it be considered a "road trip" just because you drove there? Wouldn't that just be a TRIP?
But, say, if someone needed to go to Boston but decided to stop at various places, see sights, take their time, etc, etc...isn't THIS a ROAD trip?
I don't think you can classify a drive as a ROAD TRIP...even if it's a long drive. That means when I drive to school in the morning, I've taken a road trip. Or when I go track practice, that's a road trip. Or when I drive to rent a movie. Or even if I go all the way to Niagara Falls to see my grandma.
The question of the day: WHAT distinguishes a ROAD TRIP? | | |
| It's 12:21am.
I've been sitting in front of my computer for what seems like days. And I feel like I've accomplished nothing.
It's difficult enough to write in comprehensive sentences. Now we have to write in comprehensive sentences while constructing original arguments that no one has thought of before. So every time I get an idea, I search it on the MLA bibliography it, and find out everyone and their mother has already published about it.
I think - at last!- I found something. I'm not saying it here because you might take it.
Graduate school has turned me into an analyzing, selfish, unbalanced, excessively busy, blurry eyed hack. And it's annoying. I want to think creatively, but this is excessive.
I'm not sure what to do. The only good news is that I get to go running in 8 hours. I don't have to think about school then.
Mind is shutting down (has it been turned off for a while?) now.
Goodnight. | | |
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